


I Love You Is About Me, Not You

by nitamar



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Holmes and their weird understanding of conventional things, M/M, low self-esteem Lestrade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 06:43:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7212056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitamar/pseuds/nitamar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What happened to no commitment?" he asked.<br/>He was aware that his body didn't instinctively move away from Mycroft's, they were still pretty much tangled up. So his question came out more genuinely confused. They could be talking about anything everyday-ish. Part of Greg's mind marvelled at that.</p><p>"That part still stands." Mycroft said patiently, implying that Greg had missed something Obvious. He's back to his usual self. Whatever he’d been thinking must have been resolved successfully in his head. </p><p>"Marriage without commitment?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You Is About Me, Not You

"Gregory," Mycroft said after some time of silence. 

The two of them had been snuggled together in bed in a tangle of limbs for a small forever, both too content and too scared to move. The world was probably literally turning upside down outside their little shared space by now. They would have to deal with that later. But later was not now.

"Hmm?" Lestrade mumbled into Mycroft's chest.

He had almost broken Mycroft's habit of addressing him this formally, almost. But Mycroft had sunk into a rather broody mood somewhere into the forever, and he was not going to interrupt it with something this trivia.  
Plus he secretly liked it when Mycroft called him Gregory. Made him feel all important and ... elegant. Like with that extra syllable he was transformed into some other version of himself that was worthy of someone like Mycroft Holmes. 

But still he preferred not be called that. It felt like a constant reminder how ... different he was to Mycroft and it fuelled the little voice in his head.

"I'm marrying you." 

"Sorry??"

Greg broke the most comfortable position he was currently in to look up at Mycroft. He didn't seem really here, eyes staring vacantly at somewhere over where the top of Greg's head was a few seconds ago tucked under his chin.  
Slowly he became present and averted his eyes to look at Greg.

"I said I'm marrying you." 

Greg had learnt that when Mycroft was not one hundred percent sure of his own thoughts, his face would shift to a default of no expression at all. That very face used to confuse Greg and made him run to the conclusion that this must be the end of their little "relationship with no commitment".

They were not a good match. Mr Ice Man and DI Zero Self Esteem. It was a miracle they'd come this far. Greg thought the no commitment part played an important role in it. 

With any relationship there's always the "we're either going to break up or get married" subtext which tends to make things overwhelming. But in this one they just tried to focus on the fun parts and ignoreed all other parts.  
He had never talked to Mycroft about this theory, but had always assumed he thought the same.

"What happened to no commitment?" he asked.  
He was aware that his body didn't instinctively move away from Mycroft's, they were still pretty much tangled up. So his question came out more genuinely confused. They could be talking about anything everyday-ish. Part of Greg's mind marvelled at that.

"That part still stands." Mycroft said patiently, implying that Greg had missed something Obvious. He's back to his usual self. Whatever he’d been thinking must have been resolved successfully in his head. 

"Marriage without commitment? Doesn't that kind of ... erases the whole point of it?" Greg was not sure what Mycroft was on about. Surely even Sherlock would know that? Wait it's Sherlock. One mustn't presume when Sherlock's concerned. 

Mycroft smiled fondly at him, it's possible they just thought of the same thing. Gently he pushed Greg's head back onto his chest and held him that bit tighter. Greg returned the gesture and inhaled the warmth of their little shared space. 

Whatever Mycroft's planning, he must know what he's doing. He's the one who suggested the no commitment thing in the first place, after all. When they had both admitted to each other, in their awkward and looking back quite cringe-worthy way that it was very hard for them to accept love, to fall in love, to take the jump of offering a weakness at another person's mercy. Both too scared of being hurt.  
"I propose... given our feelings and the situation at hand... a relationship with no commitment. That should do nicely for both parties concerned." Mycroft had said, seeming addressing to the handle of his umbrella. And here they were.

Mycroft Holmes expressed himself more easily when he's addressing an inanimate object. That's another thing Greg had learnt. He didn't need to look to know Mycroft was currently staring intensely at his pillow, which he's abandoned at the start of this forever in favour of Mycroft's chest. 

"Well I must admit I may have a different understanding of marriage from what you have in mind." Mycroft was saying. And Greg absolutely loved the feeling of soft vibration that goes through both their bodies when they talk while cuddling. It felt like they were truly one.

Thing number three Greg had learnt about a Holmes was to never interrupt when they were opening up. They were so easily scared, the slightest of disturbance that mask they were so comfortable staying behind would be put back on and you were left wondering when you would win their trust again.

"But I think of marriage as a choice of wanting to try and stick to another party. A choice of making ... positive efforts towards the ... maintaining of a relationship in the inevitable occasions of difficulty. As opposed to ... considering the situation every time in judgement of whether or not to pursue ... said relationship."

This time Greg did unconsciously try to untangle himself from Mycroft (unsuccessfully) and moved his head once again to look at the other man in the eyes.  
"Do you mean you...?" He regretted his sudden movement immediately and hoped Mycroft didn't take it the wrong way. But instead he looked at him with calm eyes, not the shielded calmness he gives everyone, but the calmness that always sooths and reassures Greg whenever he started doubting himself and wondered why Mycroft was still with him.

"No need to panic, Gregory. Like I said, the no commitment part still stands."  
Slowly and carefully Mycroft pulled their limbs back to their previous intimacy, while never breaking their eye contact.  
"I was merely saying that I had decided to save myself the trouble of making a judgement call every fucking time." He chuckled. He always fucking chuckles when he swears. Like the vulgarity of the words was a source of great amusement. It's so fucking damn cute. Greg somehow was still capable of thinking that in his daze. 

"I was not saying we now have to be together for the rest of our life."

"But...it's...it's still a mutual thing right? Marriage? I'm... I'm not ready..."  
Greg was careful not to struggle against Mycroft anymore, in fact, he's fucking clinging to him, like if he said one wrong word Mycroft would turn and leave and though he was not ready - oh god he was terrified - he was not letting go of Mycroft.  
That's the only sure thing he had in his mind. 

"That's why I said I'm marrying you." Mycroft said pleasantly, and he pressed a little kiss on Greg's cheek at his confused expression.  
"It's my decision." he went on to explain. It always makes Greg feel warm inside when Mycroft is patient with him and willing to explain things. Sherlock said it meant he's his brother's favourite pet goldfish. That's pretty rich compliment considering.

But it didn’t help that most of the times Greg still wouldn't understand after Mycroft's first attempt at explanation. And he's still learning to accept its okay to just ask for further explanation, instead of just nod. Mycroft could look right through a fake nod anyway, and he'd be left feeling even more stupid.

They were still slowly getting the hang of each other and figuring each other out. That's why Greg felt he was not ready. But maybe he would never feel ready. He's abandonment issues were too deep and he literally felt like he was just waiting for Mycroft to lose interest in him, or that the next thing Mycroft learnt about him, the next time he couldn’t keep up, was the last straw. He's just spending borrowed time with this man, and he tried to stealing as much fun as he can, for memories.

"Please don't feel pressured, Gregory. That was not my intention at all. I was merely speaking for myself, and letting you know because you are involved in this. It's only appropriate to keep all parties concerned informed. You are still free to make all your future decisions yourself. And I fully respect that."

"Okay...are you saying-" Greg *felt* he could makes sense of it now but had to try it in words to be sure of it.  
"Are you saying you are marrying me?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"But you are okay with me not marring you?"

"Of course."

Greg was lost for words for a second.

"Oh. And I have taken the liberty of preparing myself a wedding ring." Mycroft extracted himself from the pile to retrieve a ring from the drawer of his bedside table and put it cheerfully on his own left hand. 

"You...You what?!" Now Greg was truly lost for words. 

 

"I hate you." he said, at long last, long after they were back in a content silence snuggled close and ignorant of the outside world.

"I know." replied Mycroft. He seemed to be drifting to sleep, before his phone would start ringing at any second without a doubt and god knew when would the next time he get to sleep. And in that moment Greg felt safe, not only physically, but mentally, relaxed, and safe.

He felt he want to cry, he felt he should do something in return to what Mycroft had just did, but instead he just closed his eyes, finding relaxation and content in the feeling of being held, knowing, for a fact, that the pairs of arms holding him was not going anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how the idea happened, it's ridiculous but I liked it. This was my first proper attempt at Mystrade. Hope it was okay :3  
> <3


End file.
